animemaster
/laugh.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid=":lol:" border="0" alt="laugh.gif" /> -bPrologueThe torches mounted upon the stone wall flickered as an unseen gust of wind rushed past. A rat skittered as it ran across the tight, long hallway. Three men, one wearing a robe of dark blue, and the others with robes of black, slowly walked down the seemingly never ending passageway. One of the black-robed men nervously looked back and coughed. His cough echoed throughout the dark hallway, falling back into the darkness, and journeying ahead into the dimly lit corridor in front of them. The men?s capes fluttered behind them in another blast of warm, decrepit air. The nervous man shook his head slightly, and cleared his throat.?Cion?? He whispered, his voice cracking from stress. ?Cion, how is there wind down here under the castle??The man in front of the two black-robed men stopped. His dark blue cloak seemed to envelop the rest of the hallway, pulling in the torch light and the darkness.?It looks like the darkest night sky met the fires of hell? The nervous man thought, trembling. ?Why must I come down here??The cape?s motions subsided and an arm was raised from beneath it. Dark, fleshy scars were sketched all over the hand, and down into the dark blue sleeve. The scarred hand opened, and a small white bone was revealed. With a flash of light darker than black, the blue-robed man?s hand closed, and the nervous man collapsed, shaking erratically, mouth moving, trying to scream. ?Must I repeat myself? My name is not Cion, and you may not call me that. I prefer Ciondru.? The blue-robed man said, opening his hand. The bone was slowly pulsing light. ?Remove his clothing, and all other accessories, Mage.?The now single black-robed mage nodded quickly. He bent down towards his dead companion and gasped when he rolled him over. The corpse?s flesh was gone, leaving only tight skin stretched over bone. He trembled slightly and took a deep breath.?Why?? He dared to whisper, his closed eyes shaking under his black hood. He slightly tilted his head in order to see Ciondru?s half covered expression. It was like looking Death straight in the face. Ciondru?s hood was still on, but the black-robed mage could sense his eyes glowing with dark blue fire.?I see.? Ciondru smiled sadly, but then shifted into a cruel smirk. ?We have two fools today. Oh well.? His other hand slowly raised from beneath his dark-blue cloak. Screams echoed throughout the corridor.Ciondru crouched down beside the two shriveled bodies. Both of his hands held small, pulsating bones. He placed each bone onto a body and they quickly grew in intensity. When the hallway was so bright, shadows could not exist, Ciondru forced each bone into their respective bodies with a cruel, swift punch.?Don?t worry, my babies.? Ciondru cooed as the bodies? skin caught on fire. ?This will not hurt. Much.? The skeletal bodies were being burned by the pulsating bone within them. As the fire relinquished its hold on the bodies, Ciondru smiled. He stood up and picked up both bodies and put them on their feet. The skull?s eyesockets were filled with an unearthly blue flame as their arms swung wildly. They stood rigid for a moment, then snapped into attention. They both bowed swiftly, towards Ciondru.?Very good.? Ciondru said, patting the skeletal fiends on the skull. He leaned in toward them. ?Death is not the end.? He whispered cruelly. Blue fire sprouted from his hands and covered both of his limbs. His sleeves burned off to reveal charcoal-black arms, blistering in the heat. Soon, his bone was revealed as he smiled and said, ?Death is not the end, It is only the beginning.?Chapter 1?Don?t die, ok?? A large, bald man chuckled. He shifted a large bag over his burly shoulder as he rubbed his bald head with his free hand. He glanced at a young man, standing in front of him, but blinked as smoke from his hearth floated his way. ?Ya hear me, Sai??Sai looked away angrily. ?I?ll try not to, you sword-forging fool.? Sai smiled sarcastically as he glanced over his shoulder at the blacksmith. He tried to memorize this scene; his eyes took in the sweat stains, burns, scars, and face of the blacksmith. For all he knew, it could be the last time he saw him.?Now, why?re ya looking at me like I?m a dead man in a coffin!?? The blacksmith guffawed. ?A dead man can?t make this level of expertise!? He chuckled again, softly. Nervously. ?I didn?t make these for a dead man!? He roared, not unhappily. He dropped his pack and jumped onto Sai, rubbing his head crazily.Groaning, Saijin pulled himself away from the large man. He pointedly looked at the bag, relishing the thought of what was inside. The blacksmith noticed the stare and smiled.?I, Strah, the greatest Blacksmith In all of Andrea, have created the finest armor and deadliest weapons that could match the skill of any god!? Strah roared, pumping his large arms. He broke into a crude dance, at which Sai rolled his eyes. Strah merrily hopped over to Sai with the grace of a three-legged donkey. Sai pointed out as much, and that got him a whack on his head. He smiled and walked over to the bag, meaning to open it and study its contents. However, Strah pulled the bag away quickly.?You will receive these fine gifts?? Strah said with a glint in his eyes, ?At a later time?not now!? Strah pulled the bag above his head, with a strength known only to those who hone their muscles every day. He strode around the small room, avoiding the furniture and scattered weapons while keeping the full bag above his head.Sai gaped at Strah, and the bag over his head. ?What do yo?? Sai started to say something but he was stopped short by a sharp pain. It blossomed throughout his body, increasing in power and intensity as each second went by. Sai sank to his knees, wordlessly screaming. His hands cradled his head as the pain doubled and then tripled in power. His eyes were clenched closed, and sweat pumped down his body.As fast as it started, it stopped.Sai groaned into his trembling hands, as the last of the pain faded away. He slowly opened his eyes, and was greeted by his own blurred vision and tears. As he carefully blinked both away, he saw that Strah was standing still. Inhumanly still, he noticed, because no human could completely stop moving after dancing around with a bag of heavy armor and weapons above his head.Sai stood, slowly, and reached out to touch Strah. The large, jolly Blacksmith felt fine, but he wasn?t blinking, breathing, or living. The rest of the room seemed the same, with a sense of?timelessness.?Strah??? Sai thought, worried. He leaned his head close to Strah?s chest, but heard and felt nothing. He tried to check his pulse, but?it seemed Strah?s heart wasn?t pumping blood. Sai no longer smelled fresh smoke, and he could not hear anything besides his own erratic breathing.Sai stepped back quickly and experienced another sharp burst of pain, this time only located at the rear of his head. He swiftly crouched, holding the throbbing back of his head.?Damn it!? He growled. ?What in the name of Andrea is happening!?? He brought his hand from back behind his head and noticed that it was smeared with his blood. His other hand whipped around to the back of his head and felt a slow stream of blood was, indeed, flowing from his wounded head.Sai swallowed nervously and slowly turned around. At first, he didn?t notice anything, but when he rose, he gasped in fear.An arrow was hanging in the air, unmoving.Sai stared at the deadly pointed stone head, the long solid oak shaft, and several pitch black feathers pointed towards himself and Strah, about an arms? length away. ?An arrow hit me?? Sai said, aghast.Sai slowly stepped back towards Strah, when the second wave of internal pain flashed into existence.?Again?!? Sai thought as the pain coursed though him. He clenched his teeth, determined to keep his eyes open throughout his ordeal. He growled and roared. However, this wave of pain didn?t last as long as the former, and it wasn?t as painful. It was a single throb of pain that coursed throughout his body. Right before the pain receded, the world sprang into action. Smoke floated into Sai?s vision, Strah took a half step back, and the arrow ate up the distance between them both. Sai?s eyes grew wide as these things happened. They grew even wider when they came to a halting stop.Sai, who was now shaking uncontrollably, stared at the arrow with unbelieving eyes. The arrow was now close to impaling the motionless blacksmith. And as sudden as everything starting to move, Sai?s mind sprang into action.?I don?t know when things will move again?? Sai thought nervously, ?But I do know that that arrow was meant to kill either Strah?or me. And I need to stop it.?Sai reached out to grab the deadly projectile but was stopped by a small explosion of power about half a hand away from the arrow?s middle. Sai swiftly pulled back his singed fingers. He carefully reached out with his other hand, hoping just to touch the arrow. His hand was stopped again, with no less of an explosion.?Magick?? Sai thought incredously. ?There hasn?t been any magick around this village since?since?the Rowan passed through! Well at least?I might be able to move Strah.?Sai, carefully not to touch anything with his burned fingers, positioned himself at Strah?s side. After breathing deeply, he pushed up against Strah with all of his strength. After a moment of pushing, Strah?s body slowly tipped over and crashed into the floor, pulling Sai with it.The bag slipped out of his motionless hands and spilled open onto the floor. A gleaming gray sword was pushed halfway out of the bag by its other contents. Sai noticed the blade with interest, but he returned his focus to the fallen blacksmith and the arrow. By studying the arrow?s tilt and position, Sai determined where it would hit, and he cleared everything away from the impact site.As Sai moved Strah?s body, he realized that he felt no pain from his earlier ordeals. He felt as good as new. Sai crouched down when the air around him started to tremble and shake. He closed his eyes and ducked down, in case something else happened. His mind reeled as he joined the living world around him.A moment passed and the arrow impacted with a loud crash. Strah groaned at his sudden fall and looked around aimlessly.?What happened??? He asked groggily. As he regained his wits, he glanced at Sai, then, finally, at the arrow protruding from the wall. He stared at it for a long while, then looked back at Sai.?Damn them mages!? Strah cursed as he shuffled to his feet. ?I shoulda known them mages were sticking their meddling little staffs into our business! Magick! Magick, ya hear me!?Sai nodded, surprised. ?He doesn?t know? He doesn?t know that I?moved him? Stopped the arrow?? Sai thought, sighing. ?At least he?s safe.? ?And this arrow? What is with this arrow shootin around my house!? I moved to the forest for a reason, and one of those reasons was to not get shot by an arrow!? Strah complained, loud and roaring as always. Then Strah approached the arrow imbedded in his wall.Sai remembered the minor explosions caused by it, so he called out to Strah, ?Hey! Don?t touch that!? Strah looked at Sai with a peculiar expression. ?Aye, and what will you do to stop me?? He said unkindly.?He doesn?t know, Sai. He doesn?t know I saved him?? Sai thought to himself as he clenched his teeth, biting off an insult.Strah reached out and grasped the arrow, showing no sign of pain. He slowly pulled out the arrow, and looked at it. He brought it to his knee and snapped it in half.?Show them mages and whatnot that they don?t mess with me!? He said roughly. He strode over to the door and opened it. ?Ya hear me?? he roared. ?Don?t mess with me or you?ll regret it!?Sai grimaced at Strah?s open threat, and looked down to his hands. They were still covered with blood and burns. He gasped, remembering what happened to his hands and his head. He reached back and felt his wound and groaned in pain. It was bigger than he thought. He didn?t realize how much pain he was in until he actually comprehended what happened to him.?Strah?? Sai said softly, the pain catching up with him. He would have said more, but he collapsed.The large blacksmith turned around at his name and was surprised at Sai?s collapsed body. He rushed over to his fallen friend and checked to make sure he was alright. He gasped at the wound at the back of his head, and shifted Sai?s body into his strong arms. He stood and looked around.?Well then, Sai?? Strah said calming down from his initial anger and shock. ?The closest medic is in the village of Hyunder?s Valley. We can make it by midday if we hurry.? He shifted Sai?s unconscious body again and set out for the village.
day&night
The torches mounted upon the stone wall flickered as an unseen gust of wind rushed past. A rat skittered as it ran across the long, brooding hallway. Three men, one wearing a robe of dark blue, and the others with robes of black, slowly walked down the never ending passageway. One of the black-robed men nervously looked back and coughed. His cough echoed throughout the dark hallway, falling back into the darkness, and journeying ahead into the dimly lit corridor in front of them. The men' capes fluttered behind them in another blast of warm, decrepit air. The nervous man shook his head slightly, and cleared his throat.“Cion?” He whispered, his voice strained. “Cion, how is there wind down here under the castle?”The man in front of the two black-robed men stopped. His dark blue cloak seemed to envelop the rest of the hallway, pulling in the torch light and the darkness.“It looks like the darkest night sky met the fires of hell” The nervous man thought, trembling. “Why must I come down here?”The cape’s motions subsided and an arm was raised from beneath it. Dark, fleshy scars were sketched all over the hand, and down into the dark blue sleeve. The scarred hand opened, and a small white bone was revealed. With a flash of light darker than black, the blue-robed man’s hand closed, and the nervous man collapsed, shaking erratically, mouth a soundless scream.“Must I repeat myself? My name is not Cion, and you may not call me that. I prefer Ciondru.” The blue-robed man said, opening his hand. The bone was slowly pulsing light. “Remove his clothing, and all other accessories, Mage.”The now single black-robed mage nodded quickly. He bent down towards his dead companion and gasped when he rolled him over. The corpse looked dried, leaving only tight skin stretched over bone. He trembled slightly and took a deep breath.“Why?” He dared to whisper, his closed eyes shaking under his black hood. He slightly tilted his head in order to see Ciondru’s half covered expression. It was like looking Death straight in the face. Ciondru’s hood was still on, but the black-robed mage could sense his eyes glowing with dark blue fire.“I see.” Ciondru smiled sadly, but then shifted into a cruel smirk. “We have two fools today. Oh well.” His other hand slowly raised from beneath his dark-blue cloak. Screams echoed throughout the corridor.Ciondru crouched down beside the two shriveled bodies. Both of his hands held small, pulsating bones. He placed each bone onto a body and they quickly grew in intensity. When the hallway was so bright, shadows could not exist, Ciondru forced each bone into their respective bodies with a cruel, swift punch.“Don’t worry, my babies.” Ciondru cooed as the bodies’ skin caught on fire. “This will not hurt. Much.” The skeletal bodies were being burned by the pulsating bone within them. As the fire relinquished its hold on the bodies, Ciondru smiled. He stood up and picked up both bodies and put them on their feet. The skull’s eyesockets were filled with an unearthly blue flame as their arms swung wildly. They stood rigid for a moment, then snapped into attention. They both bowed swiftly, towards Ciondru.“Very good.” Ciondru said, patting the skeletal fiends on the skull. He leaned in toward them. “Death is not the end.” He whispered cruelly. Blue fire sprouted from his hands and covered both of his limbs. His sleeves burned off to reveal charcoal-black arms, blistering in the heat. Soon, his bone was revealed as he smiled and said, ”Death is not the end, It is only the beginning.”Chapter 1“Don’t die, ok?” A large, bald man chuckled. He shifted a large bag over his burly shoulder as he rubbed his bald head with his free hand. He glanced at a young man, standing in front of him, but blinked as smoke from his hearth floated his way. “Ya hear me, Sai?”Sai looked away angrily. “I’ll try not to, you sword-forging fool.” Sai smiled sarcastically as he glanced over his shoulder at the blacksmith. He tried to memorize this scene; his eyes took in the sweat stains, burns, scars, and face of the blacksmith. For all he knew, it could be the last time he saw him.“Now, why’re ya looking at me like I’m a dead man in a coffin!?” The blacksmith guffawed. “A dead man can’t make this level of expertise!” He chuckled again, softly, nervously. “I didn’t make these for a dead man!” He roared, not unhappily. He dropped his pack and jumped onto Sai, rubbing his head crazily.Groaning, Saijin pulled himself away from the large man. He pointedly looked at the bag, relishing the thought of what was inside. The blacksmith noticed the stare and smiled.“I, Strah, the greatest Blacksmith In all of Andrea, have created the finest armor and deadliest weapons that could match the skill of any god!” Strah roared, pumping his large arms. He broke into a crude dance, at which Sai rolled his eyes. Strah merrily hopped over to Sai with the grace of a three-legged donkey. Sai pointed out as much, and that got him a whack on his head. He smiled and walked over to the bag, meaning to open it and study its contents. However, Strah pulled the bag away quickly.“You will receive these fine gifts…” Strah said with a glint in his eyes, “At a later time…not now!” Strah pulled the bag above his head, with a strength known only to those who hone their muscles every day. He strode around the small room, avoiding the furniture and scattered weapons while keeping the full bag above his head.Sai gaped at Strah, and the bag over his head. “What do yo—” Sai started to say something but he was stopped short by a sharp pain. It blossomed throughout his body, increasing in power and intensity as each second went by. Sai sank to his knees, wordlessly screaming. His hands cradled his head as the pain doubled and then tripled in power. His eyes were clenched closed, and sweat pumped down his body.As fast as it started, it stopped.Sai groaned into his trembling hands, as the last of the pain faded away. He slowly opened his eyes, and was greeted by his own blurred vision and tears. As he carefully blinked both away, he saw that Strah was standing still. Inhumanly still, he noticed, because no human could completely stop moving after dancing around with a bag of heavy armor and weapons above his head.Sai stood, slowly, and reached out to touch Strah. The large, jolly Blacksmith felt fine, but he wasn’t blinking, breathing, or living. The rest of the room seemed the same, with a sense of…timelessness.‘Strah…?’ Sai thought, worried. He leaned his head close to Strah’s chest, but heard and felt nothing. He tried to check his pulse, but…it seemed Strah’s heart wasn’t pumping blood. Sai no longer smelled fresh smoke, and he could not hear anything besides his own erratic breathing.Sai stepped back quickly and experienced another sharp burst of pain, this time only located at the rear of his head. He swiftly crouched, holding the throbbing back of his head.“Damn it!” He growled. “What in the name of Andrea is happening!?” He brought his hand from back behind his head and noticed that it was smeared with his blood. His other hand whipped around to the back of his head and felt a slow stream of blood was, indeed, flowing from his wounded head.Sai swallowed nervously and slowly turned around. At first, he didn’t notice anything, but when he rose, he gasped in fear.An arrow was hanging in the air, unmoving.Sai stared at the deadly pointed stone head, the long solid oak shaft, and several pitch black feathers pointed towards himself and Strah, about an arms’ length away. “An arrow hit me?” Sai said, aghast.Sai slowly stepped back towards Strah, when the second wave of internal pain flashed into existence.‘Again?!’ Sai thought as the pain coursed though him. He clenched his teeth, determined to keep his eyes open throughout his ordeal. He growled and roared. However, this wave of pain didn’t last as long as the former, and it wasn’t as painful. It was a single throb of pain that coursed throughout his body. Right before the pain receded, the world sprang into action. Smoke floated into Sai’s vision, Strah took a half step back, and the arrow ate up the distance between them both. Sai’s eyes grew wide as these things happened. They grew even wider when they came to a halting stop.Sai, who was now shaking uncontrollably, stared at the arrow with unbelieving eyes. The arrow was now close to impaling the motionless blacksmith. And as sudden as everything starting to move, Sai’s mind sprang into action.“I don’t know when things will move again…” Sai thought nervously, “But I do know that that arrow was meant to kill either Strah…or me. And I need to stop it.”Sai reached out to grab the deadly projectile but was stopped by a small explosion of power about half a hand away from the arrow’s middle. Sai swiftly pulled back his singed fingers. He carefully reached out with his other hand, hoping just to touch the arrow. His hand was stopped again, with no less of an explosion.‘Magick?’ Sai thought incredously. ‘There hasn’t been any Magick around this village since…since…the Rowan passed through! Well at least…I might be able to move Strah.’Sai, carefully not to touch anything with his burned fingers, positioned himself at Strah’s side. After breathing deeply, he pushed up against Strah with all of his strength. After a moment of pushing, Strah’s body slowly tipped over and crashed into the floor, pulling Sai with it.The bag slipped out of his motionless hands and spilled open onto the floor. A gleaming gray sword was pushed halfway out of the bag by its other contents. Sai noticed the blade with interest, but he returned his focus to the fallen blacksmith and the arrow. By studying the arrow’s tilt and position, Sai determined where it would hit, and he cleared everything away from the impact site.As Sai moved Strah’s body, he realized that he felt no pain from his earlier ordeals. He felt as good as new. Sai crouched down when the air around him started to tremble and shake. He closed his eyes and ducked down, in case something else happened. His mind reeled as he joined the living world around him.A moment passed and the arrow impacted with a loud crash. Strah groaned at his sudden fall and looked around aimlessly.“What happened…?” He asked groggily. As he regained his wits, he glanced at Sai, then, finally, at the arrow protruding from the wall. He stared at it for a long while, then looked back at Sai.“Damn them mages!” Strah cursed as he shuffled to his feet. “I shoulda known them mages were sticking their meddling little staffs into our business! Magick! Magick, ya hear me!”Sai nodded, surprised. “He doesn’t know? He doesn’t know that I…moved him? That I stopped the arrow?” Sai thought, sighing. “At least he’s safe.”“And this arrow? What is with this arrow shootin around my house!? I moved to the forest for a reason, and one of those reasons was to not get shot by an arrow!” Strah complained, loud and roaring as always. Then Strah approached the arrow imbedded in his wall.Sai remembered the minor explosions caused by it, so he called out to Strah, “Hey! Don’t touch that!” Strah looked at Sai with a peculiar expression. “Aye, and what will you do to stop me?” He said with a sneer.“He doesn’t know, Sai. He doesn’t know I saved him…” Sai thought to himself as he clenched his teeth, biting off an insult.Strah reached out and grasped the arrow, showing no sign of pain. He slowly pulled out the arrow, and looked at it. He brought it to his knee and snapped it in half.“Show them mages and whatnot that they don’t mess with me!” He said roughly. He strode over to the door and opened it. “Ya hear me?” he roared. “Don’t mess with me or you’ll regret it!”Sai grimaced at Strah’s open threat, and looked down to his hands. They were still covered with blood and burns. He gasped, remembering what happened to his hands and his head. He reached back and felt his wound and groaned in pain. It was bigger than he thought. He didn’t realize how much pain he was in until he actually comprehended what happened to him.“Strah…” Sai said softly, the pain catching up with him. He would have said more, but he collapsed.The large blacksmith turned around at his name and was surprised at Sai’s collapsed body. He rushed over to his fallen friend and checked to make sure he was alright. He gasped at the wound at the back of his head, and shifted Sai’s body into his strong arms. He stood and looked around.“Well then, Sai…” Strah said calming down from his initial anger and shock. “The closest medic is in the village of Hyunder’s Valley. We can make it by midday if we hurry.” He shifted Sai’s unconscious body again and set out for the vill
animemaster
Tbh, Its prolly more my friend's authority. But he's chill too he just wants pretty much anything that was said in the very first line.(Questions, Comments, Concerns, Ideas, a suggestion for a title. criticism anything)Yeah it takes kinda long to get a story noticed on the boa
day&night
his is a really good story, by the way. I tried the same prologue to first chapter thing you did, except my story was really abstract. It wouldn't make sense to you, unless I complete it. I'm making another story that's based on Ge.ne.sis, but I have writer's block now. Oh, and include a description of Sai in the next chapter, when he's getting examined by the doctor. It ties in well with the story, and because it's a good thing to include some description. Some really good books let you imagine up the character, but they still describe the character, but not it detail. Now, I haven't eaten in 20 hours, and I feel lightheaded, so
chamomileess
Aside from the title being pedantic, it's pretty good.Please take any and all of my criticisms with a grain of salt. I feel that you have a tendency to over-describe, like here in the prologue:"When the hallway was so bright, shadows could not exist...".While I didn't put the rest of your sentence here, get the context of what you're trying to type; however, there is no way possible that shadows "could not exist" in the presence of light. If there is light, there is shadow.I like your formatting. It's very clear that if this were typed up in a Word document, there would be definitive Paragraphs and line breaks, which made this quite easy to read.Who's Andrea? Granted, I know you're going to tell us more later... but it sounds so much like an actual name (heck, it IS an actual name) that I have a hard time imagining it as some Deity, if that was your intention. Maybe that's just me.Magick. Yes. You have my respect. /biggrin.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid=":D" border="0" alt="biggrin.gif" />All in all, I enjoyed this /biggrin.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid=":D" border="0" alt="biggrin.gif" />. Clean, well written with only a few errors here and there that don't detract from the reading.
day&night
ot to sound cliche, and it probably is, but include Magick in your title. And I'm procrastinating again. For that little bit from the prologue, why not the opposite. Seems more in tune with the atmosphere of the ev
animemaster
@Chamomile : are there any other glaring over exaggerati
day&night
Not necessary, since there's been no update, and it's still on the front pag
day&night
couldn't resist /biggrin.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid=":D" border="0" alt="biggrin.gif
