mokona96
?Sigh?? ?What?s wrong, Sisi? You?re usually so happy. Recently all you?ve been doing is sighing.? ?I?m okay Mom, I just miss my friends.? I sighed again and went up to my room. I checked the clock. 7:15. Two hours and fifteen minutes. I started up my computer. ?I wonder if Gely and Nera are on yet.? I checked the feed. No one yet. I started thinking about the adventures we had last year. Suddenly, a voice shocked me back to reality. ?Sisi? Sisi! I know you?re there.? I turned on my webcam, put on a semi-fake smile and checked the time. 7:39. ?Nera! Wow, you haven?t changed a bit!? ?Same to you Sisi. Have you talked to Gelyan yet?? ?Not since last time. Hey, turn your head. Oh, you cut your hair! It looks great!? ? Yeah, and you?re growing yours out, right?? ?You noticed!? The conversation went on like that for a while. I checked the time again.8:01. ?He?s late,? Nera confirmed. ?Yeah, well that?s Gelyan. What can you do?? ?I guess you?re right.? 8:15. ?Nera!? I exclaimed joyfully, ?He?s finally on!? ?Hi girls!? the last member of our trio finally appeared on the screen, ?Sorry I?m late.? ?Welcome back,? Nera whispered. ?Hey, girls. How would you like to go back?? ?Really? Yay!? I exclaimed at the thought of seeing the cute animals and Emi and all the people we met. ?Ha ha ha? Sisi, I knew you?d say that. What about you, Nera? You up for it?? ? I guess I can?t really say no, especially if Sisi wants to.? ?Yay! Nera is coming too!? ?Okay you two. I?ll send you the link? now!? I checked the time. 8:59. It?s been almost a year since I first crossed timelines. In three seconds it would be nine o?clock. 3?2?1?Click! At exactly one year after I first left this timeline, I did it again. The world melted around me. It felt as though I had just gotten swallowed by a wormhole. Then it all went? wh
chamomileess
I like how you chose to present the story to us from Sisi's point of view, using first person.Your fanfic takes place a very long time after mine ( yours is 1 year later, mine is, like, 3 days after the events of Ge.Ne.Sis.)
feix blaze
/laugh.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid=":lol:" border="0" alt="laugh.gif" /> im looking forward for this fanfict
bryanone1
mmm... it went white? i definetly HAVE to see the next
mokona96
QUOTE (Chamomile @ Dec 19 2009, 02:40 PM) quotecInteresting...I like how you chose to present the story to us from Sisi's point of view, using first person.Your fanfic takes place a very long time after mine ( yours is 1 year later, mine is, like, 3 days after the events of Ge.Ne.Sis.)QuoteEndQuoteEEndI fail at writing stories if I don't use first person, but that inevitably leave holes in the story. A.k.a. I become the character so either I can't say what other people are doing, or the story gets messed up because I'm not with the person who I am telling about. Also, I still can't write third person, so it doesn't matter. I'll have to switch characters or something.Also, your fanfic seems to be as though they are still in that timeline, even though Reciful has been bea
bryanone1
'mon, you cant do third person? is kinda like when Gelyan spoke to the Hobears... but in a more human con
mokona96
know that. But when I do that to tell a story it sounds really
bryanone1
ry me, im an expert in that area, sometimes i mess up jokes... and other times when i tell a story, i kinda miss a few things or i enlarge it too much trying to explain it... im
mokona96
t goes something like: He did this and then did that. Then he asked himself why he did that. Absolutely no dialo
bryanone1
ey, thats better than mine, mine's are way too long, if i ever plan to make a fanfic (WHICH I NOT!!! MORE SPECIFICALLY, NEVER IN A MILLION YEARS, MAYBE 1,000,001) i would really ruin Ge.Ne.Sis for everyone... believe m
mokona96
re you talking about the fanfic or the third per
chamomileess
QUOTE (Mokona @ Dec 22 2009, 04:22 PM) quotecIt goes something like: He did this and then did that. Then he asked himself why he did that. Absolutely no dialogue.QuoteEndQuoteEEndMokona, if you've read my teaser chapter, you can see what third person can do. What you just described there is not the Omniscient POV, but the Objective POV.The big difference: Omniscient lets you see and hear the thoughts and feelings of the the characters, leaving room for plenty of descriptive language.Objective is simply what the 5 senses of the audience can perceive. Therefore, we get no thoughts.Obviously, in my teaser chapter, I chose to represent it mostly from Nera's POV, but I do sometimes go into the minds of other characters, like in chapter two where I jump into Gely's skin. (Oops, SPOILER
mokona96
/laugh.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid=":lol:" border="0" alt="laugh.gif
mokona96
White? Hey, wait. I know this place! I?d seen this scenery before! ?Nera! Gely! Wake up! We?re here!? The bodies of my friends slowly woke up and looked around. Suddenly a figure with two orange wings appeared off in the distance, accompanied by a big pink thing. ?Emi!? I yelled at the top of my lungs, ?Emi! Over here!? The figure noticed us and flew over. Clad in a white and orange robe, Emi looked almost exactly like she did when I first met her one year ago. ?Sisily! It?s so good to see you!? she exclaimed when she got closer, ?Neraine and Gelyan too! Wow, how did you get back? I thought I?d never see you again! Whoa? Sisi, let go of me. I?can?t?breathe!? Nera and Gelyan laughed as Emi was strangled by my tight embrace. I was home (kind of) and my I could see my best friend (that isn?t in our timeline) again! As I finally let up, Emi gasped for air. I felt as if I would die. I didn?t realise that I was hopping and screaming until I almost fell off the tree. ?Whoa, there, Miss Ecstatic. You just got here, I don?t think you want to die,? Gelyan laughed as he pulled me back up. ?I would have been fine if I had used my warp blade,? I retorted, ?Hey, where are our weapons anyway?? ?Oh! That?s right. Gemini?s not here.? ?Neither is Hydra.? I checked to see if my tarots were still there. I saw the magician and the lovers, but I couldn?t find the others. ?Looks like half our tarots our gone. We only have the ones from when we were here last time, not afterwards.? ?Sisi, you seem so serious for once. Hey! And what?s more, you?re right,? Nera said, surprised, ?Why don?t we have a little chat with our tarots, shall we?? We summoned all our tarots and asked them about what happened. Of all of them, High Priestess knew the most about this, which wasn?t much. We gathered that since we brought our weapons back with us to our timeline (and then discarded them), they would stay in our world instead of following us to the next. However, the magic seal on the Warp Blade and me probably still worked. I tried summoning it, but the magic fizzled out. Then I remembered: we were across timelines. My warp blade could only warp through space, not time. However, I could make (a) new weapon[s] with the same seal. ?Sisily, Neraine, and Gelyan,? High Priestess began, ?It is imperative that you have weapons during your mission here. Though you may not know it, you are here for a reason. As such, the weapons you had would not have been strong enough anyways. We have banded our powers together to form you new weapons. To Neraine, we give you Concerto and Sonata. As the embodiments of Ice and Light, the end spheres on these batons are alike. Concerto?s is at absolute zero, and Sonata?s blinds and burns. As well these batons have ribbons on the other ends, which are as soft as the petals of a flower, but as strong and sharp as a blade. To Sisily, we give you the Warp Seal. It is a pair of gloves with two seals each that are much stronger than the one on your Warp Blade, while still retaining synchronization with the seal on you. And as you would have no means of attacking without the seals, we have created a light force field, which will slice most objects that you can find. And to Gelyan, we give you a choice. We have two weapons here for you, so you may choose whichever you like.? They presented the two weapons. One was a triple-barrelled gun, which had one of the barrels higher than the others; and the other was a gun that had a bayonet on top and two side blades. Gelyan chose the former and brandished the weapon in his hand. ?A fine choice,? High Priestess observed, ?This weapon is the Chimera. The first barrel, the ?lion?, shoots large explosive shells, which can rip through most armours. The second barrel, the ?ram?, shoots a small pellet that sends a great shockwave into whatever it touches. The final barrel, the ?snake?, sends forth a small amount of a highly corrosive acid, which will melt through anything it touches. Use this weapon wisely. Now I am afraid that it is time for us to go, our tarots are fading away. Goodbye, my friends. You have a long journey ahead of you.? And with that, they faded away into nothing. We all stood there, freezing in the snow. Then I realized, ?Hey, Emi. Isn?t it a lot more snowy than when we were here last?? ?It is. Come on group, I?ll tell you all about it, but first let?s go to Shackpot?s hou
chamomileess
/biggrin.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid=":D" border="0" alt="biggrin.gif" />Now, I just realized that I used Concerto and Sonata in the profile that I sent you, so I'll have to edit that.If I could make one suggestion:If you could double space everytime you switch a paragraph, that'd make it a lot easier to r
paladin
eems interesting id like to read
mokona96
Chamomile: I prefer to do just the typing first. Later I'll add more detail and paragraphs, and edit it. I might make one more part until I wait for my character contest to be over, so I might do stuff in that t
